First Comes Freedom

Robert Frost once said, “Freedom lies in being bold.”. I’m not sure of the original context of his statement, but when I came across these words, something stirred in my spirit. And at that moment, I realized how my then-unknown journey to Gift of Three had started shifting a few years ago when I reached out to Jesus to search for freedom.

Freedom doesn’t necessarily mean constantly running away or desiring to be free from a specific circumstance in the season I'm in now. I could not have claimed that three years ago. However, today, when I reflect on what it means to be free, I recognize it was about becoming who I was meant to be in Christ rather than what I thought I wanted to run from…maybe that has everything to do with why God had me focus on freedom long before he had me seek growth in boldness.

I’ve dedicated my attention to specific focus words for the past three years rather than new year resolutions. Words I felt the Holy Spirit draw me to and invite me to grow in. Each year, God has used these focus words to challenge me, change me, and draw me closer to Him.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from choosing focus words is that no matter what I anticipate learning, the things He reveals to me through these words are always so much bigger than I could ever have imagined. And in this new year, He is already showing me how one area of focus had to be cultivated before another could grow.

Boldness. I say it out loud and write it down a lot these days. And almost every day since January 1, I’ve asked myself, where do I begin with this? Does this mean God wants me to be bold? Bold about what? What does “boldness” mean and require of me specifically? How do I become bold? Do I even have what it takes to demonstrate boldness?

At first, looking at the word on the page, I immediately thought of boldness as a personality trait. A person who is described as independent, assertive, and fearless. Someone who can stand alone in the face of anything with courage and strength.

But you see, history has taught me that true boldness doesn’t require one to have a specific personality trait. It’s not about being assertive or standing alone. Boldness involves a foundation designed and built for us by God himself. Boldness requires freedom, and becoming free requires boldness.

I’m talking about the process of spiritual freedom from ourselves that it takes to bring us full circle to a very real and genuine boldness in Christ. I can’t help but pause here to thank Him. For just a moment, living in the present and savoring the gift of freedom. It is a gift, representing the undeniable love Jesus has for us. Reflecting here also makes me think of the contrast between freedom and boldness- and how one needs the other for continuous growth.

So, it seems boldness does require a foundation. And maybe that’s why the Lord spoke to me specifically through Robert Frost’s quote at the beginning of this new year. I now understand why freedom needed to come first because true boldness in Christ required a foundation to carry me through to the next step in His process.

As I mentioned above, my choosing focus words started three years ago. And I chose the word “freedom” as my focus word for 2019. At that time, I was discontent and dissatisfied with certain aspects of my job…I imagine I’m not the only one who’s felt this way.

In 2019, I felt I needed freedom from my circumstances. As always, the Lord protected me from making rash decisions, and the reasons I had for choosing the focus word “freedom” quickly shifted to the understanding of why he had me remain. I realized that freedom meant learning from my circumstances rather than running from them.

That same year I joined a small group of women for a Bible study on “Full: Food, Jesus, and the Battle for Satisfaction,” written by Asheritah Ciuciu. In her book, Ciuciu shares a vulnerable view of her need for freedom from food addiction and how finding that freedom can allow for a deeper satisfaction in Jesus. I was intrigued. It wasn’t a “diet” or a “healthy” eating plan. It offered a set of Biblical tools to aid in finding freedom.

I chose the word freedom before I was asked to join this group of remarkable women. Do you see what God did there? He knew I would choose that very word in January 2019. He had everything to do with having my friend ask if I was interested in meeting on the Marco Polo app with three other women (women I didn’t know, living 8-10 hours away from us) to do a Bible study on being free from food addiction…my friend who didn’t even know about my life-long, food-related struggles- just that I wanted to lose weight.

At 39 years old, I came face to face with the acknowledgment that I had a binge eating disorder. An eating disorder I had tried to hide and manage for a very long time. As I began to reflect on and share difficult memories and experiences from my childhood and as a young adult, I somehow started to grow in my relationship with food and, most importantly, my relationship with Christ.

I want to add here that this freedom and growing in my relationship with Christ also brought awareness regarding how I would require daily prayer and communion with him about this specific area of my life. This also meant not running away from the availability of ongoing support and the care of a healthcare professional. So even now, I receive that support from a licensed Nutritionist to help manage this area of my life.

In 2019 I acknowledged how much I hated and loved food all at the same time and how I tended to use it in response to specific stressors rather than for nourishment when I was hungry. And as I began to experience what it was like to be free of that negative relationship with food, I also saw the other areas of my life that required freedom from myself and freedom in Christ.

Freedom from myself. Freedom from the things within me that I had allowed to hold me back from growing in my relationship with Jesus. Freedom from insecurities, habits, selfishness, negative self-talk, and unforgiveness for myself. The book and Bible study, willingness to be vulnerable and honest, accepting support, and freedom I found in allowing God to speak new life into me only made way for more. It provided a foundation—a foundation for boldness.

What I didn’t know at the beginning of 2019 was that freedom from myself and freedom from specific strongholds was needed for Christ to use me as His vessel for ministry. It’s not to say I have it all figured out, and I don’t still face struggles, but I now acknowledge and use the tools I have at my disposal. I better understand my relationship with Jesus and how He alone can fill me with all I need to survive this world. And I see now how freedom in Christ is what determined the path to meeting you all here where we are now.

You see, this isn’t about me at all. Freedom from myself has everything to do with the gifts meant for you…

I need reminders- daily reminders. And I love that God knew so long ago that I would need reminders. He has given us daily access to His word. And in His word, through Ephesians 3:12, He reminds me that I am bold in Christ. And through the gift of freedom, He reminds me that I have been bold all along. Truth- if he gave me freedom, boldness was always a part of His original design for my life.

It takes boldness in Christ to learn how to be free from ourselves. It takes boldness in Christ to be patient with His plan. And it takes boldness in Christ to walk in His purpose for our lives. And today, just like so many times over the past three years, I am choosing to accept those gifts so I can grow in the boldness he’s been cultivating in me all along. The boldness meant to be shared with you.

Disclaimer

Gift of Three content is not intended and should not be used to diagnose or substitute for medical or therapeutic advice or treatment. The purpose of Gift of Three is to share the personal view and experiences of the writer and its owner. If you suspect you have an eating disorder, you should consult with a healthcare provider regarding appropriate care.