Season of Friendship

At 43, I’ve reflected on friendship more than at any other time in my life. And probably, like others who have cultivated friendships over time, this has come with difficulty and celebration. A few months ago, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my next blog post would be about friendship. 

As sure as I felt I was in August, my heart, head, and fingers couldn’t align every time I sat down to write on this topic. When the Holy Spirit says, “Wait.”, it’s wise to do just that. So, wait, I did. 

I’ve been thinking about Jesus’s friendship with the disciples and how His relationships were cultivated. Generally speaking, to cultivate means to prepare or develop. As it relates to friendship, I believe it takes on the meaning of building an atmosphere and posture of empathy, accountability, mutual respect, and connection.  

Jesus called His disciples His friends. And the purpose of His relationship with each of them was revealed through careful selection. Jesus had kingdom work to do. Therefore, He chose His friends with intention. He even prayed over each one, knowing how significant their time together would be to the world around them. Jesus sought out friends He could serve, minister to, and bless. He never made the process about Himself. Jesus, the Son of God, prepared, built, and cultivated the most influential friendships we could ever imagine. And together, they all grew. 

“Can we quit our jobs and talk about Jesus all day?” This question is at the center of one of my most cherished friendships. A friendship that has blossomed over a short period and means the world to me. A friendship the Lord knew we both would need in this current season. And throughout just a couple of months, we’ve suffered, prayed, and praised together. We’ve placed Jesus as the centerpiece of our friendship table.   

“First, I miss you! Second…say a prayer!” This a text from a sweet friend that has known great suffering but also knows how much the Father loves her. A friend I know who has a deep confidence in me that I don’t take for granted. We have been prayer warriors for one another and sat in support circles together. We may not talk to or see one another frequently, but our bond was established through our life experiences and connection in Christ. 

“I just wanted to hear your voice.” These words were said to me by a friend of almost nine years, who lives eight hours away. My friend was willing to give words of affirmation when I knew how uncomfortable that could be for her. And little did she know that these words were spoken on a day when I significantly needed them…once again orchestrated by the Creator Himself, but through her- my dear friend. These words were followed by an hour of conversation while I sat in my car in the Office Depot parking lot. A conversation that genuinely warmed my heart.  

Many other conversations, texts, events, and moments in time come to mind when I think of what friendship means to me. Even the friendships that didn’t continue were somehow beautifully crafted to serve a purpose and leave a stamp on my life and in my heart from now on. 

For me, it’s a season of learning and growing through friendship. And while I’m grateful for the results of nurturing where I currently am in my friendships, I’m also noticing how the Lord uses former relationships as a place of reference as I navigate in and out of certain stages of my life. I’m beginning to see how each relationship I’ve had serves a purpose different from the others. And as complex as it may be, I know there are times I am called to end relationships I never anticipated would require intentional closure. But there is a voice that has guided and protected me my entire life. His is the voice that claims me as His daughter and calls me His friend. His is the voice that has helped me find freedom from bondage and purpose on the other side of my obedience. And so, He will do this, even in my relationships.

C.S. Lewis once said, “What draws people to be friends is they see the same truth.” This statement makes me think of specific friendships, even those I outgrew or ended. It makes me think of the friendships that have stood the test of time- not requiring frequent communication and attention, but those that reflect the beauty of being able to quickly pick up where we left off…no matter the years in between. 

Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books in the Bible. I think it represents our desperate search for the meaning of life while giving us confirmation of God’s unwavering provision. I love the way Solomon talks explicitly about the advantages of companionship in chapter four.

“Two people are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I know these things to be true, but regardless of how close I’ve been with my friends; I have historically demonstrated hesitancy in accepting or reaching out for emotional support from them. Most recently, I have seen more and more how God has orchestrated something special for me over time, and I’m making a more conscious effort not to deny that gift. I’ve realized that needing support from my friends doesn’t mean that I’m selfish or that the friendship is one-sided. I’ve seen that this places Jesus at the center of a reciprocal process, and in many ways, it’s an opportunity for us to glorify God through the friendships He has blessed us with. 

I could make a long list of times in life I chose to keep to myself, hide my struggles, and not seek the closeness of a friend or friends when I could have benefited from the support. I can also speak to how much more I suffered because I didn’t allow others to support me in a time of need. 

I do believe God designed us to rely on and support one another. And He did this because He loves us that much. Jesus’ life and time on Earth with his disciples show us this truth over and over. And Jesus’ love for his disciples is one of the most incredible examples of friendship and love we could ever have modeled. Let me explain…

“Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his earthly ministry, and now he loved them to the very end.” John 13:1 

“After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down, and asked, “Do you understand what I am doing? You call me “Teacher” and ‘Lord,’ and you are right because that is what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.” John 13:12-15

Jesus served His friends. He loved them intentionally. And He modeled truth and light for them at all times. This has me asking myself - how do I serve my friends? Do I love them intentionally? And am I modeling truth and light for them at all times?

What about what C.S. Lewis said about friends seeing the same truth? What about those friendships for which we see very different truths, but we manage to continue the friendship, understanding that at the heart of all that matters is love and sacrifice?

I have these friendships. We are all created in His image, yet we are all so different…we have different worldviews, thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. And it just may be that in certain times of need, those friends who are so different from us are there for us in the ways we need support. I think those friendships can bring a higher understanding, empathy, and acceptance than we ever imagined. Love and sacrifice can lead to sharing the only truth that matters, the love of Jesus. 

Can I add that we are all walking around in the flesh, and we’re not always going to know how to handle what happens in our friendships? I will never forget when I told one of my best friends that I was moving to Florida.

We sat face to face. I told her I had something important to say to her. I could see the anticipation in her eyes. I felt sick. As soon as the words, “We’re moving to Florida in June,” came out of my mouth, she got up without saying a word, got in her car, drove off, and we didn’t speak for two weeks. It wasn't easy, but I prayed for her and respected her need to process what I had told her. After some time, she reached out to me to share that she hesitated to build close friendships because she felt that any time she had, the friend moved away. She was candid about not seeing promise in our friendship being able to withstand the distance. 

Have we always seen eye to eye? Nope. We are as different as we are similar, and I love her wholeheartedly. We committed to being intentional with our friendship. That was a little over five years ago, and she remains one of my dearest, most cherished friends. We acknowledged the challenges and maintained a friendship built on love, acceptance, empathy, and mutual respect. And I am so grateful for the memories we’ve created over the past several years. After all, we may not have made those memories if we still lived in the same town. 

Can we talk about Jesus again? Jesus is love. And regardless of whether or not I reach out to Him, He is always chasing me. He is my protector, Father, and friend. 

My friend Jesus gave up His life for me. He holds me, sits with me, and loves me. Even when my faith and walk are messy, He never leaves my side. 

In knowing this truth, He’s been calling me to let go of the thought that I may be a burden to those He has purposefully placed in my life. He gently reminds me of Proverbs 17:17, telling me that a friend loves at all times and that a brother is born for a time of adversity. God wants us to understand that friendship requires us to look past ourselves and demonstrate and accept authentic love.  

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Paul writes, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” If I were to replace the word love with the word friendship, we could see why and how Jesus served His friends. Jesus modeled patience, kindness, sacrifice, and truth. He never once modeled jealousy, rudeness, pride, or confusion. 

I know the impact of Paul’s words, “love rejoices when the truth wins out.” Standing confidently on the other side of a recent and challenging situation alongside a friend who provided encouragement, support, and wise counsel feels like a divine appointment meant for a greater purpose. To us, that purpose meant celebrating boldness and joy that could have only been found in and through Christ. That is authentic friendship.

Specific people come to mind as I think about how I have been blessed by friendship. I think of friends I made in kindergarten that I still speak to and catch up with on social media from time to time. I think of the friend who has remained so long and significantly that I’ll write a book about him someday. There have been pen pals that I’ll never forget and those I’ve called my “best” even when we don’t speak frequently. Friends I’ve met at work who remain in my heart and friends at work now who understand the significance of a rise of Holy Spirit goosebumps in ordinary moments. And there are my biological sisters, other family members, and husband- because of all that we share, they are all also my friends. 

Oh, but Jesus…the friend that has been there since the thought of my creation. He has remained to comfort and rejoice with me. He has held me and intentionally modeled love and sacrifice for me. And He is at the center of it all.

And I know now more than ever that I’ve been gifted with not just a season, but a lifetime of friendship. Friendships that all look different, have come and gone, and that will remain—all given to me by my Father, protector, and friend.