A Time to Speak
In Ecclesiastes 3:7, Solomon says that there is “A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.”
God gave me this scripture as I began to brainstorm about this post. Studying various interpretations of Ecclesiastes 3:7, I asked my husband to listen to me sort my thoughts out loud so I could hear myself say what I felt God prompting me to share here. And now I smile because, as He always does, I see how God creatively connects every intricate piece of what He wants me to say.
I often draw out a timeline of my life so I can visually reflect on the goodness of God. Each time I do this, I think of seasons or events to include that I didn’t previously document. The more I grow and mature in my faith walk, the more value I find in the difficult seasons. And the more I appreciate the other side of the most traumatic events.
My timeline begins in 1979, being born to a newly married 16-year-old mother who hardly knew her (not much older) husband. A few months after my birth, one evening, she returned home from working her shift at Tucker’s Soda Shop to a wet, hungry, crying baby. My mother, aggressively instructing my birth father to leave (with all of his belongings), decided it was her life’s mission to protect her baby.
Many times, a mother’s childhood impacts her child's life. Looking back, I see this as a story I can relate to. There were pages in my mother’s life story that tell of significant trauma, abuse, and neglect. Trauma (without healing) that would later distort her thinking as I reached adolescence. After all, she had decided it was her life’s mission to protect her child- not understanding that her approach could have troubling consequences.
I’ll save the details of my adolescence for another time, perhaps my memoir. However, I will say that somewhere around 1996, I learned it felt safer to be as submissive and compliant as possible- a people pleaser, if you will. Sometime later, submission turned into secret-keeping. And eventually, secret-keeping led to shame, fear, and anxiety in my relationships.
The young girl who once gave student council speeches, traveled with the drama team to perform on stage, and shook pom poms in front of large crowds on Friday nights learned it was safer not to draw attention to herself. She tiptoed around conversations and withheld standing up for herself. She often compromised her feelings, claiming she was being kind and agreeable.
It was a time to tear. It was a time to be quiet.
By 2009, my spirit was completely broken. It had been torn like a garment that could no longer protect what it covered. I grieved the loss of a business partnership I wasn’t meant to stay in. I mourned the loss of three babies I had carried for a short time. I suffered the loss of a planned adoption. And by 2010, a decade of striving to become a well-adjusted adult ended with a failed marriage.
Soon, my spirit would tear even further up the seam when I would grieve the loss of my mother and the relationship I had always wanted to have with her. It had truly been a time of rending for my heart.
By the end of 2010, during a time I thought would represent freedom, it continued to be a time to be quiet. Just when I thought building a new life and new relationships would be exciting, I was again in situations and circumstances where I couldn’t stand up for myself. It was once again safer to stay quiet.
I quietly joined the choir at a new church, blending into the alto section. I quietly prayed and read my Bible in the mornings before work. But I also quietly had one foot in and one foot out of my relationship with God.
I quietly and secretly participated in things I knew were compromising my relationship with God. Things that were not pleasing to the God I worshiped and prayed to. On the inside, I was still that child who couldn’t stand up for herself and speak up about what I knew was wrong. The longer I harbored secrets, the more shame took root and grew into the crevices of my heart.
It remained a time to tear. It remained a time to be quiet.
Many times in my 30s, I thought, “If this one thing were not in my life, I would be living so much closer to the foot of the cross.” And then, one day, I stood up for myself. And I stood up for my faith.
I didn’t know it then, but it was just the beginning—the beginning of a time to speak.
My focus and commitment to my faith significantly shifted the year I turned 40. I became much more intentional in pursuing a relationship with God. As I leaned in, He taught me what finding freedom in Him rather than from my circumstances meant.
Freedom did not come without trials and tests of endurance. However, because I was learning to surrender to Him, He gave me the same blessing Israel received in Isaiah 61:7.
“Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” Isaiah 61:7.
That is the goodness of God. That is the work of my Father, protector, and friend. Only He could forgive and wipe the slate clean. Only He could replace my shame with a double portion of joy. Only He could help me find my voice.
There are times when our spirits are torn so they can be mended. And sometimes, God leads us through seasons of silence so we can learn to speak of his goodness at the right time. In His time.
I have been torn. But I have been mended. I have been quiet. But now, I speak.
At the end of 2021, I felt called to use my voice through written words and began planning the launch of Gift of Three. I started accepting and claiming my role as a writer and understood that it would require vulnerability when ministering through my blog.
So, from March 2022 to March 2023, I wrote. And I still write.
In April 2023, I signed up for a women’s conference called She Speaks. Being a conference for Christian communicators, I knew I would learn more about writing and setting goals around writing a book. Attending She Speaks by myself also took me out of my comfort zone. I’m not necessarily shy, but I am an introvert. I knew this meant I would be among many individuals I did not know for multiple days.
I left She Speaks, having discovered I am not just a writer. I left She Speaks, understanding that I am called to minister in whatever capacity God wants to use me. God used She Speaks to show me that I will also speak while I scribe. It’s uncomfortable, but I understand the risk of disobedience.
I understand why there was a time to be quiet. I understand why now is the time to speak. And I now better understand these things that were spoken in His Word;
“Just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” 1 Thessalonians 2:4.
“Do not be afraid, but go on speaking, and do not be silent.” Acts 18:9.
“A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.” Ecclesiastes 3:7
